“A picture
speaks a thousand words….BUT….sometimes you need those thousand words to create
your own picture.”
A thunderous
applause boomed across the colossal room as Chaitanya Libas delivered the
opening lines of his standard speech for the hundredth time before a brand new
audience. I feverishly tried to stop yawning and look genuinely interested in
what was going on. Though it was an
undisputed fact that Libas deserved the bestselling Author of The Year award, I
think I deserved the Nobel Prize for endurance for bearing up with him. It took
a very brave and valiant person to have the courage to become Chaitanya Libas’
PR.
The social
gathering in question was the incredulously hyped press conference that Libas
had called for to promote his latest book. All the major news channels and newspapers
had generously sent a whole envoy of reporters to cover the event. The audience
belonged to the extremely uber intellectual category. Abiding by the unwritten
rule, all representatives had donned Khadi ensembles. Fake
smiles, atrocious gossips,refreshments were gushing in,the press was going
wild, Libas had already reached an ultimate high without even touching a drop
of liquor, the audience was clapping, critics were wailing, the noise was
jarring, the AC was not working, temperatures and tempers were shooting up, and
I was slowly beginning to go insane.
I was
stealthily slipping out of the room to catch a breath of fresh air when,
despite all the laws of probability in Physics, Libas caught my eye and
signalled me towards him. Resigning myself to my fate, I slouched back towards
him. Grinning scarily at the cameras, Libas whispered furiously,“Why haven’t
we started yet?”
“Times Today
representative has yet to come Libas….and just by the by, they informed me
yesterday since most of their reporters are covering the Khanna’s wedding party,
they might not be able to spare the usual team we get….so…..I think we will
have to make do with just about anyone…” I trailed off unsurely.
“This is
what happens when I am doomed with people like you heading my PR….I decide to
promote my pet project and the whole world seems to be in the way because you
don’t know your job!!” As Libas ranted on about my possible role in all the misfortunes
that had occurred in his life, I switched off and started with my latest hobby of
mentally reciting the alphabet, a divine cure to prevent insanity.
I finally
got fed up with his thesis on my appalling lack of any good qualities and cut
him short “Libas, you don’t worry at
all, I will just look into the matter, we are starting in the next five minutes
and that’s a promise…” and before he could say anything I rushed towards the
nearest exit in the room. As I was making my way towards the entrance, I
accidently bumped into someone. Adjusting myself, I turned to apologise to that
person and what I saw made me almost swoon.
A young
girl, almost my age was adjusting her thick old fashioned spectacles as I
looked her up and down. She was dressed in a simple suit with the most jazzy
border. Her hairstyle was going to give Libas a fit, there wasn’t a patch of
Khadi on her dress and her shoes had been the rage during my grandmother’s
youth. She had wiry brown hair and a milky complexion. Her teeth were
impeccable but her lipstick was horrible.
Though I had no reason to, I suddenly
felt very nervous. Before I could introduce myself, she spoke. She had a soft
but clear voice.
“Avantika
Kaladri. Times Today”
“Yea I know”
I said dazedly as I tried to absorb her presence and continued,“Umm….you
have been assigned the first row?”
“First row
middle seat” she said grinning at me.
I imagined
Libas gaping at this lady as she sat right in the centre of all his Khadi clad
chamchas. I gulped and tried to smile at
her and said,“I’m Radhika
Singh…..Libas’ PR…..The thing is uhhh…..he wasn’t expecting you to…”
“Oh I know”,
said Avantika cutting me short and grinning widely she stated, “Trust me, he
couldn’t have got a better replacement” and before I could say anything she
walked past me into the room. Predicting that I was going to be sacked in the
next few hours I frantically tried to approach Libas. By the time I reached
everyone had arrived as all the reserved seats were occupied. As usual Libas had gone beyond my
expectations……standing right in the centre of the dais he was staring at the
woman as though she were the last remaining dinosaur on earth.
I discreetly
walked onto the stage and whispered to Libas,
“I didn’t
know she was going to be the replacement, else I ……………”
Libas
whispered furiously,
“Just look
at the view. A beautiful ocean of Khadi and then right in the middle of all
that elegance sits a woman who has got a dressing sense worse than yours!!”
“Look we can’t
help that now”
“You go and
tell the press to begin the conference and after that you can go find another
job.”This was one
of Libas’ favourite dialogue and my long term fantasy. He kept telling me to go
find a new job every now and then.
I quickly
signalled the press to begin and went and settled down near the refreshments
counter in order to watch the fun. For the first ten minutes Libas gave a lecture
on how he treated all the women in his
life like Goddesses which made me want to fling my bag at him. As I was
stuffing myself with the paneer tikkas kept nearby, the Q&A session began.
The India Times representative was the first one to question :
“Mr. Libas
the title of your book has so much depth…does it have anything to do with your
past?”
Libas put on
a mourning face and fat drops of glycerine tears splashed on his cheeks as he
informed the curious audience that he had apparently been in love with some
princess but she had not understood what he was worth. I knew when they would
telecast this some highly melodramatic song would play in the background.
Followed by National Herald representative’s question : “Can we expect
any romantic novel from you in the future?”
“Yes of
couuurse. I am a very romantic person by nature….” I nearly threw up my coffee
at this.
Finally the
mike was handed over to Ms Kaladri.
“Mr. Libas
do you actually implement the message of equality that you have portrayed in
your book?” she asked him clearly.
There was a
strenuous moment where I felt that Libas was going to refuse answering
her…..but as usual he went beyond my expectations.
“Madame
ji……which newspaper are you representing?” he asked her cockily
“Times
Today”
He effused
one of his fake laughs and said, “Have you ever bothered to read your own
newspaper?”
I almost
fell out of my chair when he said that. He had obviously forgotten that he was
sitting in a press conference. I tried to signal him to keep quiet but he was
too busy arguing.
“I’m afraid
not”, said Avantika mildly.
“Then please
do…..you will see that last week itself I had an exclusive interview with your
Editor on this subject.”
“But you
spoke on the modern woman’s sense of style and clothing”
“And I
forgot to mention that they should adhere to the proper dress code when they
attend formal events”
This was
getting too much. I immediately rose and headed towards Libas to stop him but
was stopped by the cameraman who said laughingly “The fun has just begun and
you want to stop it!!!”
“It won’t be
remotely funny in a few minutes’ time I said wryly.
“My
apologies”, said Avantika coolly.
Libas
sniffed moodily and said, “And please update yourself with the latest news and
dressing fashions ma’am”
“I will,
thank you” said Avantika timidly
“And please
start reading the Headlines at least….I feature in most of them these days”
“I will
thank you”
“And one
last request pleeeeaaase……I’m sure you haven’t read any of my books….please
enlighten yourself and become wiser Ma’am.”
“I will,
thank you”
As the Q&A
session continued I went to Avantika and whispered, “I am extremely sorry on my
client’s behalf…he doesn’t….”
“That is
absolutely fine” she said grinning at me, “I really admire guts you know and
your boss seems to be blessed with a generous amount”
“Oh he is
actually quite sober” I said as Libas screamed at another reporter in the
background, “Today is a big day for him so…”
“So on his
big day he makes others feel small?” enquired Avantika politely.
I didn’t
know what to say to that. Much as I agreed with her, it was my job to make
Libas look like a hero though he he was going out of his way to bag the role of
the villain. Just as I was going to say something it was announced that there
would be a break of five minutes and the Q&A session would resume. The news
reporters rose and started leaving so that the new batch could come in for the
next session. I immediately rushed to Libas. Sipping his tea noisily he
cackled,
“I think I
handled the whole event beautifully despite being surrounded by people like you
and that soul sister of yours”
“Libas, that
was a press conference!!!! How could you speak like that?’’
“Press
conferences are held so that people can speak!! I never expected your common
sense to be as bad your nail paint!”
“Libas this
is not a joke!” I said frantically and continued, “I don’t think I will be able
to do anything this time”
“What have
you been doing all this time anyway?”
“You should
have kept in mind that she might be reviewing your book”
Finishing
his coffee he looked at me and laughed, “That lady does not even read the
headlines of her own newspaper, let alone my books”
“That’s
because she doesn’t need to read the Headlines!!!”
“Really???
And why is that?”
“Because she
is the new Editor of Times Today”
I had
finally caught Libas’ attention as he now stared at me blankly. I continued,
“I thought
you knew that! It had been announced yesterday itself……I was completely shocked
to see her but I have heard she is known for making these surprise visits!!”
Before Libas
could say anything, Avantika Kaladri walked to us and grinned at Libas. He
immediately rose and tried to smile pathetically,
“I’m so sorry
ma’am. I never knew you were the new
Editor”
Avantika
replied, “Just by the way, I have read
all your books and I wanted to say that your vocabulary is as good as your
language is bad”
“I’m so
sorry ma’am”
“And just by
the way again, please keep yourself updated on latest news and current affairs’’
“I’m just sooo
sorry ma’am”
“And one
last by the way Sir”
“What ma’am”
Collecting
her purse and adjusting her spectacles she looked squarely at Libas and said, “Tomorrow I will read the Headlines but I
advise you not to do so”
Winking at
the author impishly, the woman of honour strode out of the room flaunting her
jazzy dress, playing with her wiry hair, and riding high in her grandmother’s
shoes.
She had
rightly proved that, “A person can make you feel superior by their consent but
they can make you feel inferior only by your consent”
